I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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