Dual....:-)
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im having a threesome with these popsicles
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
there is glitter all over my balls
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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