Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
