a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
