You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
