I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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