and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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