i already hear my dad disowning me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
