I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
