So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
