i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
As shirtless as possible
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
