I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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