My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
