Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
