he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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