So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
