I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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