he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it