I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt