talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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