my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!