If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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