Where did you get a picture of my penis
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"