He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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