I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
