The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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