I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
