i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
