The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
