If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
