just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
