new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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