But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
