Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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