I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
