I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
