I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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