Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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