I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
