True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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