I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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