you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
