therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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