Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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