I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I AM VODKA MAN
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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