I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
