When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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