Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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