you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
