The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i now understand why vodka
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
