Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
