Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
