I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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