how can u be prego again
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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