I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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