I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
