Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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