i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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