bring money and cleavage
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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