ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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