I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude i'm inner monologue high
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
