After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
