I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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