tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
