She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
