Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
