i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
