Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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