a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
