...so i touched it.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
