Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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