dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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