Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
