Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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