You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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