I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
