Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No subtext here. People are naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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