I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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