A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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