isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
