dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
