ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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