dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
