I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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