he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
