Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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