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it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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