Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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