Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
