....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
