And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
