you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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