she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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