also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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