He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
